The Quick and the Dead and the Stupid.

[FullAuto]

What separates the best from the rest? View the glory of Form 11-B!

 

Application form

 

 

 

Questions are multiple choice. Do not leave any questions unanswered.

 

 

1) An alien force is threatening Earth. What do you do?

 

A - There's an alien force threatening Earth? My God, we'll all be killed!

B - Kill yourself in the most painless way possible.

C - Join a (hypothetical) secret international organisation dedicated to countering the alien threat.

D - Kick back, relax, play some games. Surely a (hypothetical) secret international organisation has been set up to counter the alien threat.

 

 

2) Alien craft appear above the world's major cities. What do you do?

 

A - Travel to the nearest UFO and stand under it, waving.

B - Travel to the nearest UFO and stand under it, firing wildly.

C - Pray audibly but carry on about your business, weeping occasionally.

D - Take your family down to the basement, with a supply of food, water, and a gun with a bullet for each person.

 

 

3) You come face to face with an alien invader. What do you do?

 

A - Flash it and run away.

B - Take it down with hand to hand techniques, utilising the Vascular Neck Restraint if it has a neck.

C - Shoot it, two to the chest, one to the head, then stick the gun in your mouth in case it gets back up.

D - Kneel to worship your new alien overlord.

 

 

4) An alien has abducted you, and is probing away. What do you do?

 

A - Become uncontrollably aroused.

B - Feel slightly ashamed, but enjoy it deep down.

C - Grit your teeth and pray that commandos of a (hypothetical) secret international organisation assault the ship before you begin to enjoy it.

D - Sing, in an effort to convince the alien this is normal human behaviour.

 

 

5) You have an alien at your mercy. What do you do?

 

A - Shoot it. A lot. Then reload, shoot it some more, and set it on fire.

B - Carve "F U" into its torso before bludgeoning it into paste.

C - Play Russian roulette until one of you dies.

D - Pull the pin on a grenade and hold it up to the alien's face, screaming.

 

 

6) You are a commando for a (hypothetical) secret international organisation dedicated to countering the alien threat. You are alone, out of ammunition, and facing multiple hostile aliens. What do you do?

 

A - Kick them so hard they see the curvature of the Earth.

B - Surrender, in the hope the aliens will come close enough for you to bite.

C - Flee, waving your arms and yelling at the top of your voice.

D - Hide in the shadows, slipping from cover to cover, using camouflage and stealth to pick the aliens off one by one until they realise something is wrong, by which time it is too late for them to do anything except huddle together and wait to be slaughtered.

 

 

7) About to assault a UFO, you see the first man through the door burned to chunky barbeque by terrible alien weaponry. What do you do?

 

A - Trot haplessly in after him, shielding yourself with blind hope.

B - Seek an alternative entry point.

C - Deploy a grenade worryingly close to friendly troops, possibly resulting in severe wounds to a few, but with a good chance of killing the alien.

D - Panic and fire wildly about you in the manner of an armed weathercock in a hurricane.

 

 

8) You have been wounded and are recuperating back at the (hypothetical) secret base of operations. What do you do?

 

A - Pick at your wound, until it gets infected and you get another month in bed.

B - Take up compulsive masturbation.

C - Stay up to date on the latest alien races, tactics and equipment, becoming an asset even when out of the fight.

D - Demand more sponge baths.

 

 

9) Your bestest buddy catches a bad one in the face. What do you do?

 

A - Drop to your knees and scream "Nooooooo!", fists punched skyward.

B - Hold him because he says he is cold with what is left of his mouth.

C - Vomit. Copiously.

D - Roll your eyes at the drama queen.

 

 

10) Someone needs to go into a room occupied by a hostile alien, armed with what is essentially a cattle prod. That someone is you. What do you do?

 

A - Blink back tears, and stride forth.

B - Charge in screaming at the top of your lungs and waving the cattle prod a la Braveheart.

C - Turn the cattle prod on yourself, hoping it will merely incapacitate you and not stop your heart.

D - Refuse politely, pointing out that this is not Imperial Japan, and that suborning yourself and your code of ethics to the herd is evil personified.

 

 

Page 1

[Pete]

6C reminded me of Team America.

 

7D gave me an image of said weathercock with a bandana around it's head a la Rambo - I will have to check whether this is usually the case when next I am near a church.

[Gimli]

What separates the best from the rest? View the glory of Form 11-B!

 

My answer is all of them as well as E. I can do that because I'm the dwarven Chuck Norris.

 

BEGIN: 1) D

2) GOTO BEGIN

3) B with the addition of Dwarven Roundhouse Kick ™. It's like Chuck's Roundhouse except since I'm short it can only reach your reproductive organ.

4) C

5) GOTO BEGIN

6) C if I can scream: "Save us Julia Roberts, you sexy sexy woman!"

7) See 5)

8) E - eat lots of beans and fart the room until people's hair starts falling off. Then when the room is all mine GOTO BEGIN

9) D

10) B except replace Braveheart with Turkish football fans... because they like to stab people in the butt.

 

So what do I win? Also, where's page 2?

[Space Voyager]

I thought my answer to q no. 1 would be straight A, but you have proved me wrong!

[Thorondor]

See how it is? Sensory deprivation is the ticket. Who'd want the sweat, the dejected tears and other sorts of moisture imposing upon you after such a riotous surge of laughter?

 

I guess the only thing I really miss is the smell of roasted flesh on Terror Sundays.

 

And congrats on the killstreak, SV!

 

::

 

As for the alien leaflet with the questionaire:

 

1) An alien force is threatening Earth. What do you do?

Seeing as I'm already dead, and already part of a (hypothetical) secret international organisation dedicated to tickling the alien threat to death I think I've done my lot.

 

2) Alien craft appear above the world's major cities. What do you do?

I'd possess the alien navigators.

 

On those countries that don't fund a certain (hypothetical) secret international organisation dedicated to tickling the alien threat, I'd make their ships crash and burn atop the main governmental building of designated major cities.

 

The rest I'd crash on suburbs near the major cities to encourage urban redevelopment and free heating.

 

3) You come face to face with an alien invader. What do you do?

Flash it and wait for the bugger to dementedly run away unable to erase the burning impression such a sight inevitably leaves. Talk about human superiority...

 

4) An alien is has abducted you, and is probing away. What do you do?

I don't know; wait for it to stop retching?

 

5) You have an alien at your mercy. What do you do?

Ask the pasty-faced maggot if it's had enough.

 

6) You are a commando for a (hypothetical) secret international organisation dedicated to countering the alien threat. You are alone, out of ammunition, and facing multiple hostile aliens. What do you do?

To their horror I'd start singing "Beat It" and moonwalking.

 

7) About to assault a UFO, you see the first man in the door burned to chunky barbeque by terrible alien weaponry. What do you do?

Salivate, and reminisce about alien marshmallows done over return Auto-cannon fire.

 

8) You have been wounded and are recuperating back at the (hypothetical) secret base of operations. What do you do?

Wonder why I'm not getting any better. But at least one hand still works.

 

9) Your bestest buddy catches a bad one in the face. What do you do?

Welcome him to the club.

 

10) Someone needs to go into a room occupied by a hostile alien armed only with what is essentially a cattle prod. That someone is you. What do you do?

Happily stunned I say "Thought you'd never ask!"

 

[chiasaur11]

What separates the best from the rest? View the glory of Form 11-B!

 

1) C

 

2) B. (EDF! EDF! EDF!)

 

3) C

 

4) D (Admittedly, more on the offchance of an Attack of the Killer Tomatoes style response.)

 

5) C. But cheat. Give the Alien an automatic. Wait, on second thought, that's a horrible idea. A!

 

6) A. Admittedly, this may lead to being stabbed to death, but it's a fair price to pay to look good in front of incredibly bitter redheaded Canadian drummers.

 

7) C

 

8) C and B, alternating. I can't say I'm proud.

 

9) D.

 

10) E. Use cattle prod on commanding officer, steal his gun.

 

Later claim he was mind controlled.

[Space Voyager]

And congrats on the killstreak, SV!

Well, somebody's got to do the dirty work and protect the noobs.

 

[Crazy Photon]

His slack-jawed amazement swaps instantly for nonchalant cool as other troops come pounding down the ramp. "Yeah, there was two of 'em."

 

CP FTW!

[Matri]

It just occured to me: What happened to those shellies in the last terror mission?

[FullAuto]

The what?

[Space Voyager]

Chrysalids.

[FullAuto]

There hasn't been a Snakemen & Chryssalid terror mission yet. We've had two terror missions, both Floaters & Reapers. Thorondor did post a screenie showing a Chryssalid though....

[Thorondor]

Bahumbug - can't see a Chryssy without getting their knickers in a twist them lot...

 

::

 

[FullAuto]

The amusing thing is, the next terror mission probably will have Chryssies.

[Space Voyager]

Thorondor, you really fooled the lot of us!!!

[Pete]

Not me, I was paying attention

[NKF]

It'll probably end up a night mission as well. That'll test our mettle at the very least.

 

Speaking of the psychometric test: It resulted in me being declared passive aggressive on Thursdays and an expert in noisy ops.

 

- NKF

[Knan]

Are we dead yet?

[Matri]

Considering we don't have our original internal organs anymore, I'd say yes.

[FullAuto]

It's been a quiet month. One Very Large UFO which zoomed off over the Arctic. We got a bit of 'research' done:

https://i62.photobucket.com/albums/h109/FullAuto_2006/X-Com/alient.png

 

The stores completed on my other three bases, so I took the liberty of ordering Avalanche launchers and missiles, and building radars, which put a bit of a dent in my healthy balance but got me a step closer to worldwide coverage.

 

And then:

https://i62.photobucket.com/albums/h109/FullAuto_2006/X-Com/santiagotm.png

And I think it might be a night mission.

[Space Voyager]

And I think it might be a night mission.

Don't you have a say in this?

[Sgt. Strike]

We're all gonna fry. Ok, let's take this one step at a time, and remember, shoot long, shoot wildly, shoot randomly.

[Pete]

Can I stand at the back if we're going to do that? Say, at the back (well, front just behind the cockpit) of the Skyranger?

[Knan]

I'm just hoping the Guy At The Back doesn't have wonderful reactions, crappy shooting skills and a rocket launcher, myself. Just saying.

[Space Voyager]

I'm just hoping the Guy At The Back doesn't have wonderful reactions, crappy shooting skills and a rocket launcher, myself. Just saying.

:)