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The Quick and the Dead and the Stupid.


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A quick spot of training, after twenty sick notes have been presented and denied, reveals the top performers.

 

ulairion, for instance, has the highest Time Units (67), Health (47), and Strength (48), and is overall an outstanding physical specimen, it's just a shame he has to sidestep through most doorways thanks to his overeager musculature.

 

Grossbeer is the racing snake of the pack, Mr Endurance, with a Stamina of 77.

 

Quick on the draw is Mr Twitch himself, Space Voyager, Reactions of 60.

 

For Firing Accuracy (72), the man you want is Sunflash, whose pupils now resemble crosshairs.

 

Want to knock an alien out with a grenade to the face, and kill his friends with the explosion? Bomb Bloke v2.0 is the bloke, Throwing Accuracy 76.

 

Top Cat for kills is Gimli, with 8 notches on his gun.

 

Slaughter is the survivor, with 6 missions under his belt.

 

And they're all going to be needed.

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*unplugs laser rifle from the wall charger*

 

Target practice time kids, get in the 'ranger 'fore I start shooting YOU!

 

 

...Also if anyone knows how to fly one of those things let me know. If the pilot puts us down in the middle of the city again I'll just shoot him and let someone else fly us home.

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*grabs the Auto-Cannon while chomping a cigar and speaking with a fake austrian accent* "Get to da Skyranga. If they bleed, we can kill 'em."

 

If I'm taking the role of the huge guy with the gatling gun, I'll have to think some good one-liners for when the need arises.

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Don't tell him, but I'm using the pilot as a human shield - I just think it'll be slightly better than this crappy personal armour.

 

Not likely.

 

Pilots can't even soak a full shot.

 

Don't ask me how I know.

 

Let's just say there's more than one legal benefit from being "dead".

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If I'm taking the role of the huge guy with the gatling gun, I'll have to think some good one-liners for when the need arises.

"Coleslaw, coming up!"

 

So... let me know how that went, guys. I'll be, uh, washing my hair! Yes! I'll be washing my hair!

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Oh my word, I hope he's not been unlicky enough to get Chrysalids on the first terror mission! That would be bad luck.

 

I think I did once, shot a few snakemen from the ramp of the Skyranger so as to reduce the terrible score somewhat and dusted off in my first turn rather than face Chrysalids at night (not that they're any better by day of course).

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Chrysalids!? I think I left the oven on, be right back... *runs away screaming like a little girl*

 

Terror missions against Snakes/Chris are always a messy affair. At a late stage in the game I just bring a couple blaster launchers and a large pile of missiles. Anything even remotely resembling a Chris or a zombie gets two blaster bombs to the face, just to be on the safe side of things. I'd rather nuke half the map than lose a single man to those bloody things. Civilians are S.O.L. =P

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Someone pointed out a very important fact to me recently. Chryssalids are as bad as Daleks from Dr. Who. The classic ones at least - not these modern ones that can fly. Their weakness: stairs. Have soldiers block the top of the stairs and they can't get at you since they're on the level below.

 

Of course, I haven't tested this myself - so don't get your hopes up. :(

 

- NKF

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