The Perfect Biscuit.

[FullAuto]

What do you think is the perfect biscuit (or cookie, if you must), and why?

 

A contender, is the Rich tea. Basic, but beautiful in its simpliity. An inoffensive, more-ish taste on its own, rendered addictive when dunked in tea. Absorbency is high, so after a handful your average beverage may be considerably depleted, leaving you as thirsty as when you started. Also prone to collapse when tea-logged, so needs to be held vertically rather than horizontally. Retrieval from a hot drink post-collapse is nigh impossible, as structural integrity fades in fractions of a second.

 

A solid, workmanlike biscuit.

 

Please be careful when carrying out delicious research.

[SoulBrotherKab]

I like those Keebler Vienna Fingers, because they're regular hard cookies but are very brittle. Also the vanilla creme on in the inside is the dog's bollocks, mang. Or maybe Pepperidge Farm Milanos...they have similar texture to the Vienna Fingers and the chocolate isn't too strong or tastes cheap. Only problem with those two are they're kinda expensive.

 

In America we really don't do the whole tea/biscuit thing. Philistines, I know... The closest thing we have is cookies and milk before bed (or if you're older whenever the hell you want).

 

BTW, should we...you know...leave you alone with this biscuit? You know, privacy or something.

[FullAuto]

No, it's okay. If it was a Chocolate Hob Nob, though...

 

In America we really don't do the whole tea/biscuit thing. Philistines, I know... The closest thing we have is cookies and milk before bed (or if you're older whenever the hell you want).

 

That's fine, all biscuit traditions welcome. My aim is diabetes by 30, so I need to get cracking and diversify.

[Pete]

I've just started writing my will as I'm a custard cream addict

 

I can't believe people have been sticking biscuits in their eyes though - that made me laugh lots!

[Zombie]

I like those Keebler Vienna Fingers, because they're regular hard cookies but are very brittle. Also the vanilla creme on in the inside is the dog's bollocks, mang. Or maybe Pepperidge Farm Milanos...they have similar texture to the Vienna Fingers and the chocolate isn't too strong or tastes cheap. Only problem with those two are they're kinda expensive.

The regular Milanos or the Orange Milanos? The orange ones are 100 times better IMHO. In either case, it's pretty expensive to be using them as an everyday cookie. (Not that you should be eating cookies everyday either). If I want a decent cookie, I go to the local bakery shop and buy a dozen of their freshest anything. Much better than a mass-produced, dry, powdery and petrified creation which most people seem to crave.

 

In America we really don't do the whole tea/biscuit thing. Philistines, I know... The closest thing we have is cookies and milk before bed (or if you're older whenever the hell you want).

Yup, most Americans don't drink tea, we drink coffee. Chalk that up to the tea tax imposed on us by the British in the 1770's. I don't know anyone here who dunks something in their coffee either. Solid food is eaten between sips.

 

- Zombie

[SoulBrotherKab]

Orange Milanos? Haven't seen those before. I would say you're right about going to the bakery, but honestly...I don't like cookies or candies that much. Not into sweets. But I do like Milanos and Vienna Fingers. I might be willing to twist a shoulder out of someone's socket for some.

 

And FA, if you're looking for "the diabeetus" then I would suggest throwing in some Krispy Kream donuts while you're at it.

[sir-roosio]

No, it's okay. If it was a Chocolate Hob Nob, though...

 

Where I work there is a biscuit heirarchy, and chocolate hob nobs definitley come at the top. They are a substantial crunchy biscuit, not too sweet, beautifally textured, and with a lovely coating of chocolate on top. In terms of in-stomach-mass; 1 Chocolate Hob Nob is equal to 2 of any other biscuit I can think of.

 

some other excellent biscuits that spring to mind include (in no particular order)

 

• Fruit Shorties (moreish, yet ultimatley unsatisfying)

• Shortbread (must be 'butter' shortbread, and prefer fingers to 'pettycoat tails')

• Happy Faces (amazin biscuit, why do I feel the need to pretend I have kids in order to buy them?)

• Choco Liebnitz ( They make me feel cosmopoliatan and trendy, yet also a little bit homosexual)

 

Personally I'm partially in agreement with Full Auto; insofar as the classic biscuits will always be superior to any chocolate covered fancy pants biscuit. And whilst I have been known to polish of a whole bag of Rich Teas in a sitting, I have to say my preference lies with the good ol' plain wholemeal Digestive.

 

Strong flavour, good in-stomach-mass, medium-high dunkability, and not overly sweet. Perfection.

[NKF]

The Ginger Nut is quite a favourite in my part of the world. Not my particular favourite (can't say I have one), but it's not bad. Hard as a rock - so I often use it as a tea/coffee dunker.

 

- NKF

[Space Voyager]

My GF makes rosemary and onion cookies. Phenomenal. Great even as a meal.

 

And yeah, I'm not into the whole sweet tooth thing. I like it salty.

[sir-roosio]

While we're on the subject of biscuits, it would be remiss of me not to direct everyone towards Nice Cup of Tea and a Sit Down; a website devoted to 'biscuit culture'. It did the rounds in UK TV and press a few years back, but is still an essential website to know of as far as I'm concerned.

 

Is anyone here familiar with the Tim Tam Slam (Which, BTW, can also be performed with Penguins)?

[FullAuto]

[Slaughter]

Quick test...

[Space Voyager]

Quick test...

Ok, I'm ready. ASK!

[FullAuto]

The Digestive biscuit. Now, because it's a plain biscuit a lot of people lump it in with Rich Tea and the like.

 

This, to my mind, is wrong.

 

I believe the Digestive to be a great evil in the biscuit world. You see, to all appearances, the Digestive is a simple plain biscuit. It has nothing on it, not even sugar. It's not a fancy shape. It is nothing out of the ordinary. It is, in fact, the most ordinary biscuit, and in that ordinariness lies its deceit. My suspicions are hard to back up with evidence, I admit. It is, at most, a hunch. But I just get this vibe from Digestives, that they're a chameleon in biscuit's clothing. They're just hanging around with the cool biscuits, looking cool, but as soon as 'cool' changes, so will Digestives, mark my words.

 

These are not to be confused with the chocolate digestive, which are biscuits of blameless beauty.

 

Second up on my list today is the chocolate bourbon. This is a construction of two vaguely chocolate-flavoured slabs of biscuit with a blob of chocolate (or chocolate-flavoured goo) squashed between them. Now, when I was wee, it was either these or c*****d c****s, and there was no way I was eating bloody c*****d c****s. They are the paedophiles of the biscuit world, so there was no chance of me putting one in my mouth.

 

Now, the chocolate bourbon isn't as filling as it looks and the chocolate taste is a little bit vague so they're not immediately sickly, so you can eat quite a few. They are quite absorbent, and being a biscuit/goo alloy they're surprisingly strong, even when soaked. Their construction also means versatility in the eating. One may, for instance, pull one of the slabs off, and then put the remaining slab into one's mouth and draw it out slowly against one's teeth, scraping the chocolatey goo onto one's tongue.

 

Filthy, you'll no doubt agree, but genuinely decadent.

 

They're also speckled with sugar (the proper ones are, anyway). I half-heartedly despise chocolate bourbons for being the middle-class social climbers of the biscuit world, but deep down I like them. You've got to admire their dignity and ambition in the face of their modest beginnings. They've changed their shape, their name, their flavour in an effort to forget their roots, but nevertheless most people see them for what they are and they get lumped in with the other basic biscuits that make up the very foundations of biscuitdom.

[FullAuto]

Biscuit race conflict.