Fiction

[Dumb_Commander]

Project Symbiote

 

"As I wake up, I know that I live."

 

~Michael Cellman A.K.A. Prometheus

 

------------Part One

I and my son were in Boston, we lived there most of our lives. When my son was born, his mother took him under her care for some years, until the robbery at her house in New York, the robber was nervous and probably under drugs, he stabbed her right in front of my son, he was traumatized for some months, after the death of his mother, I took him under my care, and the boy recovered fast.

 

~Current Time~

It was past bed time, I went to sleep, but my son was there and was scared, probably his fantasy about bogeyman or other monsters. Suddenly I and my boy heard shattering glass, a night burglar was intruding the house, I instantly grabbed a baseball bat that I hid under my bed and started going downstairs while my son hid under his bed.

 

When I was downsairs, I noticed the kitchen door, it was busted open, the burglar was sloppy, very sloppy. I headed silently into the kitchen, when suddenly i head like something was crunching under my feet, when i loked down is saw a dropped bag of potatoe chips, the chips were spreaded in a thin layer, I finaly uderstood that it was a safisticated trap, but it was to late, i felt a gun pressing against my head and the finger pushing the trigger.

 

Darkness

 

~37 Years Later~

 

Light started pouring trough my eyelids when i opened my eyes, slowly my eyes adjusted to the light, when finally normal, I found myself in a sterile room, probably a hospital. I tried to remember what happened to me that night, the only thing I knew was gun barrel put against my forehead and the gun going of right into my head.

 

I tried to rise up from the bed, but I couldn't, something was wrong with me, the only things I could move were my eyes. I moved my eyes lower to see at least my body, only to see white cast on me, some moments later someone entered the room, I turned my eyes to the visitor, and saw a medical nurse with light brown hair and sapphire blue eyes, she grabbed a chart that was on my bed.

 

"It's about time to wake up Mister... uh, Cellman! Tell me, how do you feel right now?" Said the nurse while looking at the chart. Suddenly the door opened again, letting through a boy, that was 13-14 years old, he aproached the nurse a asked about the my situation, to get the answer that I woke up, he then turned and looked right into my eyes and said.

 

"Yo, grandpa, how's the sleeping?"

 

"Grandpa? What the hell happened?" was the only thing I could say, with the weak voice, I was very tired somehow. The nurse answered my question. "Oh, you dont know, you were in a coma for 37 years!

 

WHAT!? I yelled, somehow I when I heard that, I found new strenght, I even rose up from the bed for few inches, before I fellt the pain surging through my whole body.

 

"Thats what I said, you've been in a coma for 37 years! Aswered the nurse while still looking at the chart."

 

------------Part Two

 

I was in the hospital for some day, after that, I was alowed to go home, the strange part was that the doctors said that my body was almost athropied, but I wasn't, somehow I recovered quickly, it was mystery for them, plus I survived a very close gun shot into my head, the bullet only damaged a very smal part of the brain wich probaly sent me into a coma.

 

~Current Time~

I was walking home, I was wearing my brown trenchcoat that I bought, when I wasn't in the coma. Someone was watching me, maybe I'm just paranoid or maybe not. I looked back looking for the preson who made me so paranoid, but the only thing I saw was a shadow sliping in a back alley some meters away from me, I only shruged and after some moments coninued my walk to my home where I lived.

 

~Meanwhile~

 

"Sir, I think I found him" Said the agent to his earpiece. The man on the other line instatly asked a question. "Who?" The agent replied. "The original host of the Symbiote." The man was suprised, but after some moment said. "Folow him, I'll be In Boston soon. Don't lose him, agent, or you will be incorporated into the project"

 

The agent didn't reply, he started to sweat and shiwer, some moments later he replied with a scared voice. "Yes sir" After that he slipped out of the alley he was hiding and started folowing the man in the brown trench coat, sometimes he hid himself, so that the man wouln't see him.

 

\

 

I was still paranoid, someone was still folowing me. I stopped at the buss station and started to wait for the bus, there was a woman, probably also waiting for the buss, I recognized her, she was the nurse that I met a the hospital, she was attractive for some reason, maybe I'll visit her, It's time to get over the death of my wife and move on, but I still couldn't make myself to greet her. The buss arived a little late, I walked in the buss paid for my ticket an sat donw on a free seat.

 

Some hours later I arived to another buss station, the station was near suburbs I lived, I found my house after some minutes of wandering. I walked to the front door and pushed the doorbell, the bell rang the smae tune that I had 37 years ago, I was still the same.

 

"Darling, could you open the door, I'm kinda busy in the shower" Sounded the loud voice of a woman, somewhere upstairs, probably some married couple was living here now, I started going away from the house, but the door opened, revealing a man in his 20s.

 

"Dad... Is that you?"

------------End

FICTION UPDATED

+

Added Part Two

[The Veteran]

It's a good piece DC, very short but your writing skills are certainly beginning to improve. Spelling and grammar are also getting better. I've never seen the use of so much descriptive text in your work before, I hope that was something I was able to help you with! Setting the scene is very important if you want people to feel involved as is character development.

 

I look forward to seeing how this little saga plays out, I would suggest you try to extend installments slightly mind... It's easy for a post to be too short and not include enough information or action to really grab a reader. It's also easy to be too long and to bore a reader but so long as the post is written in such a way that they are kept wanting more its not such a major problem.

 

I tend to find that a good way to write is to spend as long as possible building up suspense and only inserting drama and action when it becomes necessary and the reader may get bored without it as a stimulus. In this way you can save the action and conclusions of many sepearte plaots and subplots and then throw them all at the reader at once nearer the end. You should try to never conclude all your storylines at once however as people need a reason to come back for the next episode. I'm sure you're aware of cliffhangers!

[Dumb_Commander]

Alright, I updated the fic, read the first post in this topic.

[Accounting Troll]

Good work - you're building up the suspense here and getting us wondering why he was kidnapped and what happened to his family.

 

Writing the story from Cellman's point of view is a good idea as it allows us to follow Cellman as he tries to work out what has happened to him, and why. I think it would be a good idea to keep writing the story from his point of view so we can continue to follow him as he learns what has happened to him and (perhaps) turns the tables on the kidnappers.

[Dumb_Commander]

He wasn't kiddnaped, he was... *Slaps his mouth* Uh, I wont tell away the plot, not yet.

[Accounting Troll]

You've got me wondering now

[Dumb_Commander]

I'am an perverted asshole. I had a litle mistake with Part Two, I seems i posted it to early, so i lost a lot of what i wanted to write, but now everything is back and ready for reading.

[The Veteran]

dude yes you are a perverted little bugger aren't you :s The reading is ok though, good perspective using Cellman as the focal character... Depending on where you see this story going however, I'd be careful about adding unsuitable tones to it. Don't add too much humour for example if it's a somber tale for most of the time.

[Dumb_Commander]

I edited the Fic, the first part was edited completly, exept the last word, then i edited the second part and combined them together. Read away.

[Dumb_Commander]

I dont see feedback. *Starts to construct a nuclear bomb*

[Accounting Troll]

I wouldn't worry too much about the lack of feedback - it is quite normal. I haven't had much feedback over my UFO: Aftermath stories either, and it is the same for people who mod the game on behalf of the community

 

I've got some spare plutonium if you need it for your nuclear weapon

[Dumb_Commander]

Plutonium... No thanks. I want some feedback, so that I would make another part of the fic, and probably make it better.

[Dumb_Commander]

Part two ready, read away, dont foget to give feedback.

[The Veteran]

Getting there DC, a story is slowly emerging and you're starting to work in some new characters, that's always good... I would like to point out however that by the time of the TFTD fic, Cellman is only 46... That means that this story begins with a 9 year old father of one getting shot in the face at point blank ange whilst trying to confront a burglar with a baseball bat in a house he owns... Doesn't quite add up I'd suggest that Cellman starts the story at 20something, then has a 14-15 year coma. Much more believable but it still gives your son a chance to grow up and have a kid of his own, though he won't be very old... Besides that already leaves Cellman in his mid to late 30s and he won't pull that hot nurse if he's old and wrinkly! Have a grammar and spelling check when you add the next section, check for consistency throughout. Also, I know this is in your second language so it's hard but try reading through what you write when you're finished to make sure it sounds ok. For example, too many commas in one sentence can mak it long, meaningless and fragmented. Try instead to use more but shorter sentences with only a few commas in. Keep it up!

[Dumb_Commander]

Okay, but like I said, there's nothing in common with the TFTD fic character, exept the name.

[Dumb_Commander]

I've decided to cancel the Procjet Symbiote and now I'm thinking anohter fiction, wich I hope will be more succsesfull.

 

I'll tell the Project Symbiote plot and some other things about.

 

Michael Cellman was consievied when two diferent people made the mating, some how their genetic code was prefect with each other, thus creating an small anamoly in Michael, a symbiote organism, sort of a parasite, only it will help it's host in multiple ways. When he was young the military cut out the symbiote and hid it somewhere while Michael started to live a normal life.

 

He was kiddnaped after his awakening from the coma, the kiddnapers were from the same military branch that took the symbiote, they tried to clone the symbiote and insert it into other people, those hosts only lived for some time, 14 days exactly, becoming a super human.

 

But how Michael survived, it's easy, he was compatible with the symbiote and due to that he didn't die like other hosts. During the symbiote demise, the symbiote mutated a little, getting an unknown gen inside, but still was able to be compatible. Michael was named Prometheus for a reason, when he reunited with the symbiote he recived a special power, a very advanced pyrokenesis, he recived it because of the symbiote mutation.

 

Okay any more questions.