Accounting Troll Posted April 7, 2006 Share Posted April 7, 2006 I'm wondering how much he spent to aquire it Don't worry Kernel. Our resident surgeon has done a brain operation once before and he's pretty sure he knows where he went wrong. The patient must have made a full recovery because he's now the president of America Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dumb_Commander Posted April 7, 2006 Share Posted April 7, 2006 You mean G.W. Bush!? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kernel Posted April 7, 2006 Share Posted April 7, 2006 Clearly your forgetting the entrance critera for joining the Imperial Guards. "All inductees are to have their brain removed for safe keeping in the Imperial Guards secret headquarters. The brain is to be replaced by a bomb that explodes soon after removal from inductees head to kill any would-be brain snachers." * Watches large mushroom cloud appear on the horizon in the center of the krab army's camp. * Hmm... anyone smell fried krab meat? And no... no-one knows where the Imperial Guards secret headquarters are... they are secret afterall. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Krabjuice Posted April 7, 2006 Share Posted April 7, 2006 Fools. I bought the brain while it was still inside his head. Besides, Krabs dont camp... Wait, was that Kavach? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Accounting Troll Posted April 8, 2006 Share Posted April 8, 2006 I still want to know how much you paid for Kernel's brain. And do your Krabs have ANY weaknesses? Kernel, are you saying that you have placed the brains of the entire Imperial Guard into storage? In the hands of people like me? I can't even remember where I keep my keys, never mind something like this! Incidentally, what did you guys do with the brains of everyone in the British Ministry of Defence? Our soldiers on the front line would be very grateful if you gave them back Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thorondor Posted April 8, 2006 Share Posted April 8, 2006 "And if you gentlemen (?) would care to examine the DNA evidence, you will note that Kernel has used the paperweight recently." Ah, you mean the (D)ata (N)ot (A)vailable evidence ? I saw to that myself, you know. Quite proud of it, too... "Also, if you note the angle of the blow, you can see that it was clearly committed by somebody shorter than a troll." Come on! How naive do you believe us to be ? All you'd have to do would be to lie down and strike upon the unsuspecting victim...that doesn't seem to recall who the vile attacker was - or much of anything else, at any rate. "It was clearly Kernel who carried out the attack, however Krabjuice has admitted that he is controlling Kernel's mind and is therefore culpable for any action Kernel commits while under the influence." (...) "Thorondor, are you sure you haven't been subject to mind control? I've got pictures of you worshipping the Krabs" Since I can't fine you to any good effect, AT, I accept the motion to divert the blame of such actions to Krabjuice (you's in trouble now, boy! :mad: ). He's clearly the one controlling your brain, since you've never laid eyes on me and so couldn't possibly recognise me in a picture. Besides I have a covert device that keeps me from showing on pictures, and radars, and... well, you get the point. I therefore sentence you to life-long community service on, say, a bridge of your choice provided you release the Commander-in-Chief of the Imperial Guard as of now. :: "Kernel, are you saying that you have placed the brains of the entire Imperial Guard into storage? In the hands of people like me? I can't even remember where I keep my keys, never mind something like this" Secret storage location ? Last I've heard the containers had been accommodated for at the officers' mess... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Krabjuice Posted April 8, 2006 Share Posted April 8, 2006 I still want to know how much you paid for Kernel's brain. And do your Krabs have ANY weaknesses? I won bid against some guy from Kanses who wanted it for 20 dollars. Approximatly, with shipping and handling, worked out to about $34.99. And yes, we do have weaknesses. We can only walk sideways. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
uriaheep Posted April 9, 2006 Share Posted April 9, 2006 *Arrives with heavily bandaged head* I feel better now, did I miss anything? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Accounting Troll Posted April 9, 2006 Share Posted April 9, 2006 Okay, I'll let Kernel go. He's about 18 inches taller now because of the time he spent on the rack, but otherwise unharmed. Kernel, that's £875 you owe me for your lodgings Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Krabjuice Posted April 9, 2006 Share Posted April 9, 2006 18 Inches taller? Does he also weigh more? I mean, it would be really handy to have some live ammunition for once. And by the looks of it, he'd fit perfectly into our oversized cannons. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Accounting Troll Posted April 10, 2006 Share Posted April 10, 2006 He's taller, but he weighs the same. Maybe if you gave him several layers of clothes? I've identified another important weakness of your species. Like most species with an exoskeleton, a krab has to shed its shell every now and then so it can grow. It takes several hours for the new shell to harden, during which time you are all nice and vunerable *Puts on over sized snow shoes and starts stomping* Incidentally, is it my imagination, or is the LOVE nest a lot more violent these days? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dumb_Commander Posted April 10, 2006 Share Posted April 10, 2006 Yes, it is! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Krabjuice Posted April 10, 2006 Share Posted April 10, 2006 You are thinking of crabs, not krabs. We're much, much different--we just look the same. And apparently, taste the same. You see, as our shells grow, we must shed our bodies. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Accounting Troll Posted April 10, 2006 Share Posted April 10, 2006 That means that your species is constantly looking for fresh bodies, such as poor Kernel's. Would this be why your forces have invaded the Love Nest? And what was REALLY in those krab sandwiches? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Krabjuice Posted April 10, 2006 Share Posted April 10, 2006 The plot thickens. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Accounting Troll Posted April 10, 2006 Share Posted April 10, 2006 Just like the sandwich filler. Are we going to witness a krab emerging from Kernel like a chrysalis in X-Com? Have I identified the reason for Matri's massive attack of indigestion? And have you thought about selling tickets to witness the transformation? Happily, we trolls are silicon based life forms, which gives us immunity from chrysalis and krab attacks. Incidentally, I'm assuming that you are well aware that you need to have a krab license for each member of your species in Tamriel. Licences are available from the state treasury for the token sum of £250,000 each Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
uriaheep Posted April 10, 2006 Share Posted April 10, 2006 Incidentally, I'm assuming that you are well aware that you need to have a krab license for each member of your species in Tamriel. Licences are available from the state treasury for the token sum of £250,000 each You forgot TAT - Troll Added Tax and then there's the Temporary Tamist Membership Card, that will take it to ....... *scratches head* Errr ...... *points finger skyward* Well why don't we call it £500,000 each. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Krabjuice Posted April 10, 2006 Share Posted April 10, 2006 Nuts. Does anyone, uh, have an extra couple of quarters on hand? I mean, I poorly anticipated the exchange rate, and I'm a bit off. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dumb_Commander Posted April 11, 2006 Share Posted April 11, 2006 I have, but i will NOT give them to you, c'mon use your head, sell your krabs to the restaurants in Italy, France or China.I would suggest that you sell your krabs to China, they will eat anything right now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Accounting Troll Posted April 11, 2006 Share Posted April 11, 2006 Krabjuice, you have failed to pay your taxes on time. That means that you have to pay a rather hefty penalty, plus interest on the outstanding amount (including the penalty) at 500% per day. Of course, if you can reduce the population of your species, your tax liability will decrease proportionatly... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kernel Posted April 11, 2006 Share Posted April 11, 2006 Time to bring on the new recruits for the Imperial Guard.https://www.gamershell.com/pc/panzer_elite_...ots.html?id=347 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Krabjuice Posted April 11, 2006 Share Posted April 11, 2006 Waaait. Can I have a few of those, you know, as POW's? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Accounting Troll Posted April 11, 2006 Share Posted April 11, 2006 Considering what the Imperial Guard does to its prisoners of war (eats them), I think not. Kernel, I am hereby increasing your budget by whatever you need. On condition that one of those new recruits is transferred to my border police Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dumb_Commander Posted April 11, 2006 Share Posted April 11, 2006 Maybe, but they have to dress in normal clothes, not be almost naked.---I talked with Adrian Sheperd, and he agreed to give me some fully charged PCA's, a.k.a Powered Combat Armor, he had them many, so he gave them to me at a low price 1000$ each, i bought 14 PCA's, oh and Gordon Freman retired from Black Mesa, he wants to work here in Tamriel, he asks 2500$ salary, or 1500$ salary. Gordon also gives his HEV mark V suit to Imperial Guard, IF he's hired. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Accounting Troll Posted April 11, 2006 Share Posted April 11, 2006 Colonel Gaddaffi isn't the only one to believe in all female bodyguards Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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