Tammy Posted March 26, 2006 Share Posted March 26, 2006 Finally, a post I understand! *hugs* Just kidding, guys! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Accounting Troll Posted March 26, 2006 Share Posted March 26, 2006 It's time for me to give the annual budget for Tamriel. Unfortunatly, the administration costs of the treasury and the border police were slightly higher than anticipated, so taxes are going up again. Income tax is going up slightly to 200%. Value Added Tax is being increased to 50% and will now be imposed on beards and eyebrows. The Imperial Guard is having its annual budget increased to three paper clips and the contents of my pencil sharpener in order to better protect the person of Queen Tammy. The rest of the arned forces will be maintained through plundering neighbouring countries, like the English army did in the Hundred Years War. Krabs will be allowed to join the army because I read somewhere that an army marches on its stomach. The health service is having its budget reduced to zero. Extracting the gold fillings from patients and selling their internal organs on the black market should make the healh service self funding, and may well return a taxable profit. Education is being abolished because educated citizens only go around complaining because of the money I'm siphoning off and questioning Tammy's divine right to rule. A new law will be passed requiring educated people to repeatedly bang their heads against a wall. As with other laws, the Royal Family and the Chancellor of the Exchequer (me!) will be exempt. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
uriaheep Posted March 26, 2006 Share Posted March 26, 2006 Ah hem, the health budget was already zero, does this mean I have to pay to operate? I mean I gladly would but remember AT where you get your supplies for your barbeque parties. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dumb_Commander Posted March 27, 2006 Share Posted March 27, 2006 Oh, forgot to tell, there is a hidden temple of Sirius somewhere in Tamriel, the cultists keep their money, well part of it, there is somewhere 100000$ in there, that money will have to got to tax collectors, why? becaause they are on the teritory of Tamriel. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thorondor Posted March 27, 2006 Share Posted March 27, 2006 As the head of Her Majesty's Secret Services, I can't be bothered with taxes (hey, I officially don't exist). Besides, AT has an uncanny knack for intelligence gathering when people try to sneak past his bridge Scotchless; and, as long as he holds 'office', there shall be no mystery to civil unrest... :: *smoothly attaches silencer to his automatic weapon* Only those in higher positions need fear this humble emissary of the Royal House. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kernel Posted March 27, 2006 Share Posted March 27, 2006 The Imperial Guard is having its annual budget increased to three paper clips and the contents of my pencil sharpener in order to better protect the person of Queen Tammy. Awsome!!! Just think of the damage I can do with that!The enemy will never know what hit 'em. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Accounting Troll Posted March 27, 2006 Share Posted March 27, 2006 I just hope our inreased defence budget doesn't set off an arms race. We have a secret service? That would explain why I keep seeing some bloke wearing dark glasses, a trilby and a raincoat carrying a copy of The Times and having conversations with a plastic rock. I thought I was just getting a bit paranoid... The continued existence of a secret religious group with lots of untaxed money in Tamriel is intolerable. As they worship aliens instead of Tammy, I am authorising the Imperial Guard to destroy them and give me the money for safe keeping Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bomb Bloke Posted March 28, 2006 Share Posted March 28, 2006 Safe keeping? Don't you mean, for like, tax purposes? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thorondor Posted March 28, 2006 Share Posted March 28, 2006 "I keep seeing some bloke wearing dark glasses, a trilby and a raincoat carrying a copy of The Times and having conversations with a plastic rock.(...)" Hmm, I'll have to look into that - by your description it appears Bomb Bloke is moonlighting again... Oh, and, should you be wondering: I'm strictly a black tie kind of guy, so don't be fooled by gumshoe types, AT. :: By the way, it's ok to get a little paranoid when you hear me speaking inside your head like this... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bomb Bloke Posted March 28, 2006 Share Posted March 28, 2006 Moonlighting? Me, moonlighting? I don't know how to. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Accounting Troll Posted March 28, 2006 Share Posted March 28, 2006 Well, we'll soon get to the truth of the matter. I've rigged up a couple of land mines near the plastic rock. Whoever's following me is going to have a little surprise Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kernel Posted March 28, 2006 Share Posted March 28, 2006 Ahhh... back from raiding the Cult of Sirius temple. Didn't find any large sums of money tho' it must of ummm.... dissapeared. * Walks off carrying a large sack is a $ sign on it * Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
uriaheep Posted March 28, 2006 Share Posted March 28, 2006 *Crawls out from beneath large plastic rock* Can't a man get any sleep around here? And has anyone seen my pet Alligator? I keep him in an old large money sack with a $ sign on it. Hey, these things look like land miIIIIIINNNNNNNEEEEEESSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *UH going up* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Krabjuice Posted March 29, 2006 Share Posted March 29, 2006 *Sends a legion of Krabs to.."soften" his landing* *Expects they'll all die* Uh, guys, these Krab things.. are fine enough, but they're regenerating and procreating faster then trolled rabbits. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thorondor Posted March 29, 2006 Share Posted March 29, 2006 You know, I've always wondered why would "uria" be running a croc hotline from that fake rock. I imagine the price of crab isn't so great right now in Tamriel's fancy restaurants. :: *plays back voice recording* "Helloooo. This is Inga " Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
uriaheep Posted March 29, 2006 Share Posted March 29, 2006 *UH coming down - sees loads of crabs and tries to climb back up ................ with little success!* Whhhhooooooaaaahh!!!!!!!! *Crunch* Err . .... sorry about the krabjuice, Krabjuice - but thank your bro's for me. *Walks off to change underpants* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Accounting Troll Posted March 29, 2006 Share Posted March 29, 2006 Be careful where you walk. Those krabs are reprodicing at an exponential rate, and poor Matri has a nasty case of indegestion from trying to keep up. He's waiting for you in the hospital. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Matri Posted March 29, 2006 Share Posted March 29, 2006 *buuuurps* 'scuse me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
uriaheep Posted March 30, 2006 Share Posted March 30, 2006 Nurse!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kernel Posted March 30, 2006 Share Posted March 30, 2006 * wanders back wearing aligator skin shoes * Hmm.. you know these krab shells would make good body armour. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Accounting Troll Posted March 30, 2006 Share Posted March 30, 2006 I agree because it would be cheaper for the Imperial Guard to make its own body armour out of Krab shells than to buy proper body armour. *Takes back one of the paper clips* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dumb_Commander Posted March 30, 2006 Share Posted March 30, 2006 *DC sends out a horny cat lover nurse*No problem that nurse will fix him up :devil: he he he. U-a U-a U-a Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kernel Posted March 30, 2006 Share Posted March 30, 2006 Ok, why hasn't anyone created Tamriel here? https://www.nationstates.net/ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
uriaheep Posted March 30, 2006 Share Posted March 30, 2006 Ok, why hasn't anyone created Tamriel here? They have, I looked for the name and it's reserved as an ex-nation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Accounting Troll Posted March 30, 2006 Share Posted March 30, 2006 Curse the pretenders to the throne. "Love Nest" is still untaken, so we can still take our rightful place in international affairs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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